something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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