32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
