im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
