omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
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i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
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I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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