It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize