he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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