i need an iv and a liver transplant
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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