her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
