My nipple is on Facebook.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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