bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
