I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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