I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
