I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
