Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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