nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
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I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
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I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Then you guys just all showered together...?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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