New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
