I am spending my child support on dildos
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
