THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
