I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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