I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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