i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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