That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
