i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
