he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
