party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
