I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
