dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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