explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
