Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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