Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
