i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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