I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
