sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Be still, my beating vagina.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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