i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Randomize
