dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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