Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
