I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
