Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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