i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
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You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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