Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
