Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
