I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
