This is not my ceiling
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
