So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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