So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Welp...herpes.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
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He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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