I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
