problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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