I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
