dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
