Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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