It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There's always time for handjobs
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
