Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
