Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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