I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
