i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
