The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
