I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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