i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
